Posted in Family, Struggles, Uncategorized

Parenting

This role has been the most difficult yet the most rewarding.  We all have had the moment at a parent that we just enjoy watching our child grow and amture into whom they will become.  We love to see them stand up for themselves until it is against us.  We enjoy watching them find their way unless they act like us.  We love to haqng out with them until they act like their other parent, haha.

No, I am just kidding.  I love to be with my children.  I enjoy seeing them make friends and love on others with their whole hearts.  I love seeing them act out for Jesus.  I love watching them mature into a mesh of my husband and myself.  I love to see their smiles when they are proud of what they are doing.  I love hearing their laughter when they are enjoying themselves.

The times I don’t like are when she is screaming at me that unloading the dishwasher is not fair. Or when he yells and says he shouldn’t have to clean his room.  When they are trying my patience or testing my limits are the most trying times for me, as a parent.

What I feel is teh hardest part is that they are so different from one another.  My son is almost twenty-one and my daughter is almost ten and they are completely different.  Now, I love how different but the same they are and I love how much they try me but at the same time it is exhausting.

Days with my son were very different from days with my daughter.  My son is very calm and contains his emotions very well.  My daughter shows all her emotions at once.  We can go from happy-go-lucky to demon-child in a blink of an eye.  I love that she has strong emotions but I just never know how to handle it or how to take the words she screams at me.

I typically just smile and tell her I love her and send her to her room to do whatever it is that needs to be done.  Then I fall and pray.  I pray for her and for myself and I kick satan out, once more.  He is sneaky how he tends to slip in to our lives.

What I am trying to express to you is that you may be going through these same troubles at home with your child and there is hope.  Just pray and stay calm.  Never raise a hand in anger.  Our hands hurt more when they carry the angry to them.  Never lash out in anger.  Our words are sharper and cut deeper when they are said with anger holding on to them.  Never punish in the heat of the moment.  We are usually not thinking rationally and tend to overreact.  So, guard your tongue, pray over the moment, and react with a calm yet strong and powerful message to the child.

I will pray for each of you and I hope that this reaches those that need it.

Amen and God Bless y’all!

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Posted in Christianity, Family, Life Questions, Religion, Struggles, Uncategorized

Why Memorize The Bible

I have never understood why I should try to remember the verses of the Bible.  I was always told that you memorize verses in order to fight off the battles of the mind.  I always thought that it was ridiculous.  I was the type of person that could not memorize a single verse other than “Jesus Wept”.  Of course, I couldn’t tell you where it was located in the Bible of why I should remember it.  I thought of it as being stupid and a waste of time.

I have the authority to defeat the enemy and nothing will hurt me.  Luke 10:19

Then, I began trying to remember some verses.  I would write down a verse and glance at it occasionally throughout the week, month, or year.  My glances were simply that, glances.  I would get frustrated because I could not remember them like I could remember other things like phone numbers.  God then revealed it to me in a moment of struggle.  How can I remember something that I take little to no time with.  Phone numbers are only able to be remembered in my head because I use them all the time.  I dial these numbers repeatedly. So, what do I do.

The Lord will deliver me.  Jeremiah 1:19

I began spending time on one verse a month.  I would read it and recite it aloud.  This got me through about 5 verses in the 5 months of practice.  I then failed to continue, as I do many things in my life.  I am one that has a great gung-ho but little follow-through.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:13

One afternoon, my mind was racing at the stress in my life.  I was freaking out about my marriage, my children, my job, my future.  We had lost our home, our foster children, our dog had been run over, I got fired from my job, my son was cutting, my husband and I were not speaking.  I was laying on the couch wallowing in my pity and self-doubt.  I was a miserable person, a broken-hearted woman with no gumption to move. Then, it happened.  I heard this voice say that I will never amount to anything and that nothing will get better so I should get used to this pain.  This a small whisper said, “faith”.  The whisper was faint and I was in shock that these sounds were going on in my head as there was no one else in the home.  The whisper didn’t stop and I just kept hearing it.

Your words are spirit and life.  John 6:63

Then a memory came to me.  Someone had once said that they had once walked through their home asking for God to bless it and to kick out satan.  This memory was vivid, even though I had actually never seen of such but it played out in my mind.  So, I went to the bathroom and removed the bottle of anointing oil I had received 3 years prior when our daughter was blessed.  I commenced to reciting any verse that came to mind and spritzing that oil and cursing at satan and asking God to take back my home.  I screamed at the top of my lungs and I cried, and fell down on my knees weeping and asking God why I had to hurt like this.  The verses I said, I can’t tell you what they were or where they came from.  All I know, was that God pulled them out of me and He removed satan that day, giving my home a peace that it had lost.

No weapon formed against me shall prosper.  Isaiah 54:17

The healing was not over night but it started.  Each of us experienced it in a different way, but it happened over time.

I am more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ.  Romans 8:37

Now, almost 7 years later, my family is happy and struggling in all new ways.  Of course, I will take these struggles over those any day.  But I know that no matter what comes, God will overcome.  I will recite the verses that He brings to mind and I will praise Him through it all!.

The Lord is on my side, I will not fear.  Psalms 118:6-7

Posted in Family, Struggles, Uncategorized

Summer Excitement

I know that we are all excited that we get to spend MORE time with our family and children during teh summer months!  I am so grateful that I have a job that allows me to have the summer months off to be with my baby girl.  I have made grand plans and great times to spend with her, not only expanding her abilities but exploring her interests.

I also know that in this day and age our children want to spend as much time or more on their devices than we care for them to do so.  So, I created a list of things that MUST be accomplished before she is provided with an electronic, including the television.

You can see my list above but I will go through and elaborate it a bit.

First and foremost, she must spend time with God.  I have purchased her a new Bible, labeled it with the book names and purchased an age-related study for her.  I want her to realize how much God is important to this family and her life.

Then she must read in 1 of the 25 books she has to read this summer.  She has been given the list from school, so she is set!

She has a chore list with things like clean your bedroom, complete laundry, and unloading the dishwasher.  These chores are her EVERYDAY chores and need to be done anyhow, but this way I get them done when I NEED them done.

Then we go outside!  We have to play outside 60 minutes doing whatever she wants.  Then we go for a 30 minute walk, ride, or run with our dog as a family.

She also has to help me with something.  I am unsure what this may look like but I have to come up with something by Monday. UGH!

Then, when she gets her electronic she has to do 30 minutes of learning apps on the electronic.  I just have to download them on her computer as our tablet quit working!! UGH!

Then, when all that is complete she can play on what ever game or app she wants!

I pray that I stick to this and have complete follow-through.

 

Posted in Family, Health, Life Questions, Struggles, Uncategorized

Midlife Crisis?

This is SO GOOD that I had to share it, as another friend had shared it.

”I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.
Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.”

~ Brené Brown
Wow, how many of us can relate? Who can say that they read this and mentally examined their life and thought, “Holy Macaroni, did she just read my journal?”

Well, I did. This stage in my life has been full of tough decisions regarding moving my family thousands of miles from the home we knew for twenty years into a territory that was all but odd to us.  We have changes schools for our daughter twice. I am back in school so that I feel accomplished in my career.  Our son is gonna ng to college back in our hometown and that kills me. I hate having my family so far apart!

So decisions and life changes are part of God melding and molding us into what He wants us to become so that we can perform His deeds. Our lives take us in and out of different territories and moments that can make and break our hearts. Our tears fill jars on the shelves of Christ’s study.  Our laughter becomes the music on His never ceasing playlist.

What are your life-changing decisions going on? What has you baffled or guarded? What is stopping you from letting God take the reins?  Are you going to continue to hold on to that childish mentality or are you going to mature in the Word of God?

 

Posted in Family, Struggles, Uncategorized

Endings

How many endings do we get through in a lifetime?  How many times do we think this could be the final time I do this?  How many times do we think that our final moment has arrived?  How many times do we MISS those final moments due to being in another location of another moment was upon us?  How many times do we wish we were there for the final moments?  How many times do we wish we had NOT been there for the final moments?

There are many answers wandering around in your head now and I am sure that moments are coming to mind and remembering that the moment was the worst in your life or the best in your life.  You are bringing thoughts that were fun and full of laughter and thoughts that were full of tears.  There are memories filled with joyous endings and exciting moments that you knew were going to bring on even greater moments that would soon come to an end just as that one had.

The missed moments of endings are the ones that taunt and haunt our nights and days with visions of missed opportunities and times of remorse that fill our minds.  We tend to guilt ourselves and damage our minds with these thoughts.

So, how do we take over these thoughts and remove the fear we carry?  How do we send the emotional triggers to fill the voids we cause by missing things?

We spend as many moments possible hugging and laughing with the ones we love and the ones we want to leave a legacy along with.

Posted in Family, Struggles, Uncategorized

Drama

She can be so happy shining that amazing smile she contains.  She can be full of the belly laugh that is so contagious the entire room follows suit.  She can glow with the light of happiness and cheer that spreads like a wildfire throughout the home.  She can be the joy that makes you want to be around her always.

THEN>>>

IT HAPPENS>>>

She blows.  Her face turns that beautiful smile upside down and causes gloom to pass along to each muscle of her body.  Her volcano erupts within minutes.  Her screams and tears fill the air around us all.  Our joy dissipates and is replaced with concern and patience.  Our control is thin but it remains aware.  The time it takes to get the control back in order seems long but is such a short time.

Her heart is big and her love is pure.  Her passion is overwhelming and spreads just has her pain.  She carries her dreams where she travels. All is right in her world, again.

 

This is a regular occurrence around this house.  The house with a nine-year-old daughter has turmoil and love within the same hour.  Her mind is going in the direction of her passion and it turns left when a disappointment enters.  Why does this happen?  Why does she react in this way?

Hormones?

Yes, the hormones in the foods she eats and the drinks that she drinks.  So, I have tried to remove such things but because they are everywhere, I have found it difficult and close to impossible to fill in the areas with other foods.

So, we continue to deal with these outbursts and pray with her and teach her to deal with them other ways.

Posted in Christianity, Family, Struggles, Uncategorized

Bring It Out

I just listened to a Pastorial Sermon and it moved me so much that I felt like sharing.  I know that each of us have had moments of weaknesses and we have fell short of the Glory Of God.  We have made mistakes that have spent time hauting us and tormenting our mind.  These moments have brought fear and anger along with anger and distrust.  We have fallen and chose to stay down for a time in order to avoid the fighting to get back up.

That is exactly what satan wants us to do, think, and feel.  Satan wants us to think that we are not worth anything and we are better off to continue on the path of death instead of fighting to overcome the bad deed or deeds we have acted out.  He wants us to feel unloved, unwanted, and worthless.

JESUS LOVES US!!!

Jesus wants us to come to Him.  He wants us to simply shine a light on the act(s) of evil we have committed.  He wants us to tell those that the act was committed against.  He wants us to be open and honest to those around us that we may have caused any pain or anguish against.  He wants us to walk with a bright light over us to shut out the darkness of evil.

Arise, shine; for your light has come, And the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. Isaiah 60:1

The Lord wants you to feel loved and desirable to Him.  He wants you to feel worth His love and know that you have it always!  He wants you to relish in Him.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in [b]any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are [c]ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.  II Corinthians 1:3-7

Show others how you can get through this pain and hurt.  Be able to use your suffrage and help others grow in their pain.  Teach others to come out of the dark and let God shine His light on their lives as they have yours.

I write this from a point of view of being deep within this situation.  I have lied to others regarding my activities and I have hidden the things I did against others from seeing the light of Christ.  I kept them in a box and hid them in order to protect myself, unknowingly hurting myself in the process.  I hurt others by continuing to lie and hide my mistakes from others.  I deceived so many that I felt isolated from the ones that loved me the most.  That was exactly what satan wanted.

Once I confessed it to the ones that I held dear to me, it freed me.  I felt that God was holding my hand to each person I spoke with and each one held me, prayed with me, and forgave me.  They were happy that I had come to them with this information and I knew that they still had love for me.  They truly valued me.

Satan has nothing to hold over me any longer.  I can walk with freedom because I know that Christ is leading me and holding me up to His workmanship.  He protects me and loves me, even when I fall.

 

Posted in Christianity, Family, Struggles, Uncategorized

They Know

There are so many times in my life as a parent that I have wondered; “Do they even hear me?  Are they even paying attention?”  That question has bothered me for many moons.  I have prayed that God would protect them from my illegitimate ways and my screw-ups in life, that He would shine through those events in my life and make them fade away so that my children would see the good things and see what God wants them to be.

That answer came today.

All my life I have prayed and strived to be a Proverbs Wife, you know Chapter 31, where it speaks of the woman going out early and giving of herself so that her family can be well-provided for.  The one that speaks of the late hours she gives up of sleep so that all is ready for the the next day.  I have prayed that I could be even one-fifth of that woman, that I would at least show God’s love to my family through my actions and through the tiresome work I perform for them.  I wanted to make sure they always knew that they were the reason I did the things I did and they were my motivation for continuing on the long trail I was on.  I prayed for God to show them His love through my provisions that He was there and He was the strength that I needed in all the times of control.

God answered another prayer for me.

I received a late Mother’s Day gift from my eldest child, my first born, my reason for living most of my 20’s, my baby boy.  He sent me something so simple, so easy to come by that at first glance someone would ask why it would tear me up so.  then, open the soft covered red journal that reads, ” Life is Wonderfull and beautifull”.  He begins by telling me he loves me, same mushy stuff that all moms want to hear and their children KNOW it.  Then it goes on to say that he has seen the woman I am and the life I knew and how much I had become something greater than that life of cruel times and cruel moments of pain and hurt brought on by so many in my life.  He continued by telling me that he knew he had not been an easy child to rear (HA, his sister is harder) and that he was so happy his father and I never gave up on him, even at it’s worst.  Then, oh yeah, then he hits me.  Tears are rolling down my face and then he simply writes: You are the woman they speak of in Proverbs 31:10-31.  I fall!!!

This young man of 20 (almost 21) tells his mother that she is exactly as she has prayed and strives to become.  She is exactly what God has made her to be.  She is exactly the woman that all women want to become.

How do I stand up?  How can I be that woman?  How can I, simple me, that came from alcoholic father, abandonment issues, sexual relations with those outside of my marriage, mental abuse, neglect, and so many more things; how can I be a Proverbs Woman?  How can I be a wife for anyone to look up to?  How can I be a mother that anyone would ask a parenting question from?  Who am I?

I AM  A CHILD OF GOD

So, thank you son!  Thank you for seeing me and TELLING me.  Because I am my own worst enemy.

Bless each of you.

Posted in Family, Struggles, Uncategorized

Thankful for Love

As the day comes to an end, I think about the activities of tomorrow or the anticipation of such.  I never ask for anything and never expect anything more than time from each of my children.  I simply want to be surrounded by my loved ones and receive the love they have for me.  I look forward to that each year.  So, Mother’s Day is one of my favorite days of the year, with my birthday being 2nd.

My family typically will make me breakfast and give me gifts and allow me to have control of television shows and they take care of everything else for one day.  These means so much to me and I love that they treasure me this highly. My baby girl is not getting to the point where she wants to give me a gift or make me something, or even both.  I love this age because she is actually starting to think about what I like and dislike.  I am sure she gets a bit of guidance from Daddy but that is all part of the joy I have over it all.  My son tends to forget the holiday each year, and that is okay too.  We have a daily relationship that allows the affection and love to be shared regularly.  Although I was truly impressed last year when he sent me the gift of flowers.  It was a true blessing.  Like I have said, I NEVER expect anything from them but time and love, but they always top it with much more.

So, whilst thinking about these little gifts I get to enjoy, I think about all those out there that have never been able to celebrate the joy of being a parent or are mourning the loss of a child and this day makes it difficult for them.  I think about all those women that have given up a child and I wonder if the children living in orphanages or homes celebrate this day.  I wonder if they feel the loss of not having their mom their to give love to or if it is something they have never been able to celebrate.  This thought, of course, brings tears to my eyes.  So, I pray.  I pray for those women that have wanted a child but wasn’t able to have them reach out and be a mother to a child without.  How many loves would be blessed by this one small gesture?  How great would the love be between the two?

So, to all of you celebrating; have a blessed Mother’s Day.  To all those mourning the loss of a child, I pray for your healing.  And to all of you wishing you had a child to love, I pray that you are lead to your child in need.  May God Bless each woman with the love from a child!

Posted in Christianity, Family, Life Questions, Struggles, Uncategorized

Get Over It

How many times have we used the excuse, “that is not the way I was raised”, or  “that’s not how my parents did it”, even “I learned from my parents”?  How long do you think you can use that group of excuses?  How long can we live in the past, thinking we can make it to the future?

I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father that mentally abused his women and in turn they would mentally abuse me.  I grew up with the thought that I would never be worth anything.  I would and could never amount to much more than the trash I was.  The words resounding in my ears, “you are so stupid, you are fat, you are so ugly”.  These words remained n my heart for many years until God shined a light on my life.

I played the game of bouncing from man to man, getting married just to hold him down; which proved to not have much of a hold.  We filed for divorce less than a year into our wedded bliss with our two-year-old son.  But, Christ turned him back around.  We decided to try again, but we split a couple more times after that always coming back to the feeling of one another’s touch.

After several years of hurting one another and not setting a good example of how a home should operate, God gave us a church family.  This family shined His light on us and showed us how marriage should really be and what the home life should look like.  We learned more about one another and discovered that we grew up in virtually the same household types and had no idea of what a true-love home should look like. Through the Bible Studies and Teachings of other examples of a Christian home, we learned to reflect our love more honestly and to be true to ourselves and God.

We are about to celebrate 20 years of marriage and are more in love today than we were when we said “I do”.  Our unfaithfulness, fighting, and pain has brought us closer together and deeper in love than we could have ever imagined.  We are the ones in our families that will defeat the odds and the divorce demon that lingers over our families.  We are the ones that will fight against the pattern of divorce that follows our family lines.  The buck stops here!

We are showing our children that you can fight and you can have disagreements and still be in love and you can still come back to one another after a hateful sword has flown off your tongue and apologize and offer restitution for such.

So, don’t use the excuse that it was how you were taught.  If you have moved out of your childhood home and you are living on your own then grow up!  Become your own person and take responsibility for your actions, even the failures.  Fight for God’s plan.  Fight against the worldly ways!  I know you can win!