Growing Old

As many before me, I am going through a tearful time in my life.  I am reaching the realization of the baby boy I gave birth to almost 19 years ago.  This child has been such an amazingly huge part of my being.  Over the past few years, I have begun to release him, to allow him to spread his wings; keeping them clipped of course.  Here it is only a few days away to allow his wings to fly high and spread to grow his own success.  This young man has been most of my reason for being, for waking, for even breathing the breath I breathe.  I have grown to love this young man and release my dependency upon his well-being.

Along with beginning to allow God to be my headlight, my husband to be my security, and my son to be himself; I have started my own growth.  I went back to school to reach my personal goals.  This was a step, on my own part.

This young man has grown into such a great child of God.  His light shines for HIS love.  He continues to surpass the depth of guidance I could ever have laid out for him.  I am proud of who he is, what he stands for, and what he desires.

All of that being said, my heart aches.  Each moment that I think of him being over 1200 miles away from me, of him celebrating his birthday without me, and the holidays that will be spent without my arms around me.  There will be many days that I will not get to hear his voice, to see his face, or even know what he is doing.

I know this is what I am supposed to do.  I know that I am supposed to release him to the wolves of the world, to allow him to be himself, to grow into the man he will become.  I know that this is why we have been training him and what we have been preparing him to become.  I know that God has been preparing him for this. Genesis 2:24 [Full Chapter] That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.  I know MANY things!!

That does NOT make this any easier.  Even though, he is only leaving for a short time to attend college, not marriage.  That will probably be the next step.



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